*eye roll* That really seems to sum up my day.. and week! I am teetering between really annoyed and okay with my life.. which is a weird place to be. One minute I'm just fine and the next I'm on the verge of tears.. but it comes down to this... I'm sick of hearing the same things over and over and nothing being different or changing or even feeling different. You know how you can feel it when something is different? It's not happening. There are no feelings left. I am drained and done. I am tired and lonley. I need a purpose. I need a direction. I need some clarity.. well.. more purpose, direction and clarity. I've gotten a lot of things done latley but a lot of things are just hanging in limbo and it's really irritating. I no longer feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, but I still feel like there is more out there for me. I've got some amazing ideas and things I want to do, but I am at a loss when it comes to making it happen.
I made a list today of all the things (silly or necessary) that I need to/ would like to buy in the next few years. It includes everything from a windsheild (which I've needed for over 4 years) to a European Disney Cruise for me and Hailey (how much fun would THAT be?)I want my kid to experience life. I want her to be cultured... I want to take her to San Francisco. I want to take her camping and make traditions and do things with her that I did with my parents growing up. I want to camp at the beach like we used to and the frustrating part is that the ONLY thing holding us back is money. It all comes back to that.. Not to mention I don't know where I'll be in a few months.
Money is SO frustrating, but there has to be a line.. do you budget the heck out of yourself and leave yourself with no room for fun to save up for a big thing.. or do you take longer to get that big thing so you can do little things here and there to make life more enjoyable in the moment? I guess it comes down to what you really want... if you have a goal then you will be more likley not to do all the other frivolous things you would normally do.. but then I think.. is it worth it? Will I go crazy before the big thing happens?
It's a fine line between goals, obsessions and "all work and no play"
My first goal? To get Hailey and I to Peru. All of my extra money is going to that.. All of my time and efforts is going to that. It's what's on my mind.
First step? Passport.. well.. before that? Amended Birth Certificate, which is a pain in the ass. No joke. Never have to change your name or parents on your birth certificate. You drown in paperwork. It's been like 5 years though, so I figure we should just get it over with ;)
Oh. I gave myself another personal project. It's a writing project.. and that's all I'm saying. No you can't read it.. Well.. maybe once it's done.
*grin*
~Outtie <3
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
**My hair...**
So in perusing old pictures and such I came to a hilarious realization.. I’ve had a LOT of different hair colors.... So I decided to feature them all in one spot.. here I go!
yeah.. there are a few more that I was trying to get from webshots, but you have to download this desktop app thing and I'm too lazy for that :) BUT there are pictures of the very first time I dyed my hair red... sweet.
The biggest reason for this? I'm gonna dye my hair again tonight :)
<3
yeah.. there are a few more that I was trying to get from webshots, but you have to download this desktop app thing and I'm too lazy for that :) BUT there are pictures of the very first time I dyed my hair red... sweet.
The biggest reason for this? I'm gonna dye my hair again tonight :)
<3
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
**2010 wrap up survey**
I posted this on December 22 on Live Journal.. but decided to post it here too... cause I'm cool like that...
So as this year comes to a close I'm happy to say I've been able to see a radical change in myself. It's been a hard road and I've had to face a few realities I never thought I'd have to deal with, but they've made me stronger and more passionate about those things that I love and cherish beyond anything else in my life. I've found my true friends, my true self and my family has been there for me through it all. I've learned more about parenting with Hailey's dad and working towards a life for her that's cohesive and harmonious. I'm taking life one day at a time and realizing that it's not as bad as I always thought. I'm starting to take the good for the good and learn from the bad. I'm ready to face my tomorrows and fight for what I believe in and what I want. I'm no longer going to sit by and let life happen, but get what I want out of it. I'm ready for the next year. 2010 was a hard year. There are so many things that happened... and happened HARD... but through it all I'm okay. I'm ready. That's the Beauty of Life.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you've never done before? Lived on my own. For reals on my own.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes.. but only because I resolved not to make one.. and I think I am going to make one this year.. but to myself so I don't feel too horrible if I fail.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! Katie :) Little Ms. Reese is the most beautiful baby!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.. but my grandma died last year on Christmas so it still feels like it just happened.. and Hailey's Aunt Bryttne passed away, and though I didn't really know her... it hit me really hard.
5. What countries did you visit? Just the good ol USA! 2011 holds Peru for me.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Money? No. Well. yes, but I think that will work itself out.. I would like to have peace. Which I'm already working on. I'd like to be okay with myself and who I am.. as well as continuing my independence and fighting for what I want/ need in my life.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I can't pick a specific date, but there are a few events... May 16th/17th well pretty much the month of May.. "haunt you for eternity" doesn't even begin to explain it.... not saying anymore... Just cause :) October... the cabin trip <3 and Hailey's birthday party... proof that just because parents aren't together doesn't mean you can't raise your kid with their best interests at heart and work together on things. I'd also say that the weekend of December 17-19th was a great weekend.. nothing too significant happened, but I was really happy for the first time in awhile.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Independence
9. What was your biggest failure? My love life.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just a few colds/ stomach pains.. nothing too major.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My kitty Jasper :)
14. Where did most of your money go? Moving.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Cinderella!
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? It's a tie. "I Want You" Third Eye Blind and "This Aint Goodbye" Train oh.. and "Me & Mrs. Jones" Michael Buble and "I’ll Be Waiting" Lenny Kravitz. Frick. There's a ton more, but that's what I got.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
17. Thinner or fatter? about the same. I vary a lot.
18. Richer or poorer? Richer. I have a job!
19. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spoken my mind.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of? Cry.
21. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family and my Dane.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010? No. But I realized love.
24. What was your favorite TV program? Glee.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yep. Well. Not HATE.. but have no room for them in my life anymore...
26. What was the best book you read? A Million Little Pieces. And Fan Fiction!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? James Morrison, Mumford and Sons and THAT playlist.
28. What did you want and get? Clarity. A job.
29. What did you want and not get? A Tattoo
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We went to dinner at Olive Garden, Dane made Hailey and I dresses and I had some wine and good conversation :) I turned 26.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I'd stopped to think before doing things.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? I actually started caring more about what I wear and how I wear it. I'm no fashionista, but I'm trying more...
34. What kept you sane? My daughter, Brent, Katie and My Poodle.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Oh you fancy huh? sorry. had to. John Mayer. Always have. Always will :)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay rights.
37. Who did you miss? Orange County.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Christopher :) <3
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: I am a strong woman and I can do it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "There's so much craziness, surrounding me, so much going on, it gets hard to breath, when all my faith is gone, you bring it back to me. You make it real for me..."
So as this year comes to a close I'm happy to say I've been able to see a radical change in myself. It's been a hard road and I've had to face a few realities I never thought I'd have to deal with, but they've made me stronger and more passionate about those things that I love and cherish beyond anything else in my life. I've found my true friends, my true self and my family has been there for me through it all. I've learned more about parenting with Hailey's dad and working towards a life for her that's cohesive and harmonious. I'm taking life one day at a time and realizing that it's not as bad as I always thought. I'm starting to take the good for the good and learn from the bad. I'm ready to face my tomorrows and fight for what I believe in and what I want. I'm no longer going to sit by and let life happen, but get what I want out of it. I'm ready for the next year. 2010 was a hard year. There are so many things that happened... and happened HARD... but through it all I'm okay. I'm ready. That's the Beauty of Life.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you've never done before? Lived on my own. For reals on my own.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes.. but only because I resolved not to make one.. and I think I am going to make one this year.. but to myself so I don't feel too horrible if I fail.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! Katie :) Little Ms. Reese is the most beautiful baby!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.. but my grandma died last year on Christmas so it still feels like it just happened.. and Hailey's Aunt Bryttne passed away, and though I didn't really know her... it hit me really hard.
5. What countries did you visit? Just the good ol USA! 2011 holds Peru for me.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Money? No. Well. yes, but I think that will work itself out.. I would like to have peace. Which I'm already working on. I'd like to be okay with myself and who I am.. as well as continuing my independence and fighting for what I want/ need in my life.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I can't pick a specific date, but there are a few events... May 16th/17th well pretty much the month of May.. "haunt you for eternity" doesn't even begin to explain it.... not saying anymore... Just cause :) October... the cabin trip <3 and Hailey's birthday party... proof that just because parents aren't together doesn't mean you can't raise your kid with their best interests at heart and work together on things. I'd also say that the weekend of December 17-19th was a great weekend.. nothing too significant happened, but I was really happy for the first time in awhile.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Independence
9. What was your biggest failure? My love life.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just a few colds/ stomach pains.. nothing too major.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My kitty Jasper :)
14. Where did most of your money go? Moving.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Cinderella!
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? It's a tie. "I Want You" Third Eye Blind and "This Aint Goodbye" Train oh.. and "Me & Mrs. Jones" Michael Buble and "I’ll Be Waiting" Lenny Kravitz. Frick. There's a ton more, but that's what I got.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
17. Thinner or fatter? about the same. I vary a lot.
18. Richer or poorer? Richer. I have a job!
19. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spoken my mind.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of? Cry.
21. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family and my Dane.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010? No. But I realized love.
24. What was your favorite TV program? Glee.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yep. Well. Not HATE.. but have no room for them in my life anymore...
26. What was the best book you read? A Million Little Pieces. And Fan Fiction!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? James Morrison, Mumford and Sons and THAT playlist.
28. What did you want and get? Clarity. A job.
29. What did you want and not get? A Tattoo
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We went to dinner at Olive Garden, Dane made Hailey and I dresses and I had some wine and good conversation :) I turned 26.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I'd stopped to think before doing things.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? I actually started caring more about what I wear and how I wear it. I'm no fashionista, but I'm trying more...
34. What kept you sane? My daughter, Brent, Katie and My Poodle.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Oh you fancy huh? sorry. had to. John Mayer. Always have. Always will :)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay rights.
37. Who did you miss? Orange County.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Christopher :) <3
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: I am a strong woman and I can do it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "There's so much craziness, surrounding me, so much going on, it gets hard to breath, when all my faith is gone, you bring it back to me. You make it real for me..."
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
**complicated**
Why do certain people have to make life more complicated? I think I make my own life more complicated by always choosing the path that looks the scariest, but I mean, do all the people around me have to make my already complicated life even MORE complicated? I'm not talking about one specific person, nor a specific event... but I am just saying in general my life seems to be complex enough.. and then you add a layer of complicated people and you get what my daily struggle is.
Complicated.
There IS one specific person I'm thinking of who happens to be the head of CPAM (Complicated People Against Meghan) right now.. but I am not really blaming them for everything. They do make my life harder by always being on my mind, never talking to me enough (for my own liking) and living really far away from me. They also have their own complicated life to deal with and as the little realist in my brain always points out, things will most likely never change because of this fact... but the optimist usually punches the realist in the face, tells her to STFU and happily daydreams away....
Complicated.
I also have no real "plan" for the future. I mean... sure I know where I'll be tomorrow (with any luck) and okay, so I mostly know where I'll be in two months from now.. but 6 months? A year? 5 years? I'm out. I've been struggling with this concept for awhile, and I'm just starting to realize that I've got to do something about it before I wake up and I'm 69 and I'm like... crap... I wish I'd....
Complicated.
It's a hard realization to come to, but at least I admit that my life is complicated. I get there are intricacies to my life that not very many people understand. The interworking of my brain make sense to very few people and the way that stacks up against the rest of my life is even more complex. Hell.. even my family tree is hard to explain.. I've got a huge family.. on both sides... and we're all pretty close.
Complicated.
Here's to hoping that tomorrow I can unravel a little bit more of my complicated life... or at least get some sleep!
Complicated.
There IS one specific person I'm thinking of who happens to be the head of CPAM (Complicated People Against Meghan) right now.. but I am not really blaming them for everything. They do make my life harder by always being on my mind, never talking to me enough (for my own liking) and living really far away from me. They also have their own complicated life to deal with and as the little realist in my brain always points out, things will most likely never change because of this fact... but the optimist usually punches the realist in the face, tells her to STFU and happily daydreams away....
Complicated.
I also have no real "plan" for the future. I mean... sure I know where I'll be tomorrow (with any luck) and okay, so I mostly know where I'll be in two months from now.. but 6 months? A year? 5 years? I'm out. I've been struggling with this concept for awhile, and I'm just starting to realize that I've got to do something about it before I wake up and I'm 69 and I'm like... crap... I wish I'd....
Complicated.
It's a hard realization to come to, but at least I admit that my life is complicated. I get there are intricacies to my life that not very many people understand. The interworking of my brain make sense to very few people and the way that stacks up against the rest of my life is even more complex. Hell.. even my family tree is hard to explain.. I've got a huge family.. on both sides... and we're all pretty close.
Complicated.
Here's to hoping that tomorrow I can unravel a little bit more of my complicated life... or at least get some sleep!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
**Sheepish Grin**
*finger wave* hey guys... what's goin on? Yeah. yeah.. I did fail at NaPoBloMo... an epic fail. I made it through like three days.. I did blog on paper, but when I got home I was sleep deprived and exhausted! No.. no I'm not making excuses.. okay so maybe I am, but you forgive me right? No? Well fine. I guess I'll just have to start over. The whole point of NaPoBloMo is to write more right?
Oh fine.
I fail.
~outtie <3
Oh fine.
I fail.
~outtie <3
Thursday, November 4, 2010
**Thursday**
Yes.. I realize the last two posts are posted today and not the day they were written... So I guess now I have to admit that I'm not at tech-savvy as I originally thought... I was trying to test out posting these at a later date but for some reason I'm a tard and couldn't figure it out... go figure.
So! Here's to a weekend away from all the crazy that is my life. Here's to a weekend of "blogging" on paper and filling you in on Sunday. I promise to write everyday... I just can't post because a) no Internet at the camp I'm going to :( (no cell service either... AUGH!) b) I'm a tard. My original intention was to write posts that would post on the days they were supposed to, but that totally didn't work out. As you can see. One of these days I'll figure it out, but for now? No time.
Time is a funny thing. It does weird things to you. I never seem to have enough of it these days and yet a few months ago all I HAD was time. Time to do stupid things.. like catch up on my T.V. addictions. Or write. Or read. Or sleep. Not that I really sleep anymore, but that was nice.... Now my life is full of running in circles trying to get everything done and maintain some sort of sanity. My room-mate wrote on the white board in our entry our shopping list of things we forgot to get at Wal Mart, at 11:30 p.m. on Halloween night... I'm a freak, I know... it looked like this....
Brita Filters,
Dishwashing Soap,
Sanity.
I don't think they sell that at Wal Mart... but if they did I'd buy it all.
Meghan's Music Musings
Song- "Hide and Seek"
Artist- Imogen Heap
Album- Speak For Yourself
This is just a BEAUTIFUL song. She has a quality to her voice like none I've ever heard... and she is SO talented. I first heard her music at the end of the movie The Garden State ("Let Go") but I was intrigued... so I had to find more (as I always do...) I rememeber my brother showing me a youtube video of her singing a song called "Just For Now" and I was FLOORED. This particular song hold a kind of funny memory... I was riding with my good friend George somewhere (I think my brother, his wife and I were on our way to a Swell Season concert... and yes I listed that in the right order... his wife was my date and my brother was his.. haha) and this song came on, so we were all singing along and it came to the part where she jumps and octive and he hit it RIGHT ON. We all kind of looked at each other and just started cracking up... one of the reasons I love George so much is because we get to sing together :)
The video I was talking about ("Just For Now")
I now am forced to disconnect... but don't worry. I'll be writing this weekend either in my paper journal, or my laptop and have more for you to read on Monday :)
~Outtie <3
So! Here's to a weekend away from all the crazy that is my life. Here's to a weekend of "blogging" on paper and filling you in on Sunday. I promise to write everyday... I just can't post because a) no Internet at the camp I'm going to :( (no cell service either... AUGH!) b) I'm a tard. My original intention was to write posts that would post on the days they were supposed to, but that totally didn't work out. As you can see. One of these days I'll figure it out, but for now? No time.
Time is a funny thing. It does weird things to you. I never seem to have enough of it these days and yet a few months ago all I HAD was time. Time to do stupid things.. like catch up on my T.V. addictions. Or write. Or read. Or sleep. Not that I really sleep anymore, but that was nice.... Now my life is full of running in circles trying to get everything done and maintain some sort of sanity. My room-mate wrote on the white board in our entry our shopping list of things we forgot to get at Wal Mart, at 11:30 p.m. on Halloween night... I'm a freak, I know... it looked like this....
Brita Filters,
Dishwashing Soap,
Sanity.
I don't think they sell that at Wal Mart... but if they did I'd buy it all.
Meghan's Music Musings
Song- "Hide and Seek"
Artist- Imogen Heap
Album- Speak For Yourself
This is just a BEAUTIFUL song. She has a quality to her voice like none I've ever heard... and she is SO talented. I first heard her music at the end of the movie The Garden State ("Let Go") but I was intrigued... so I had to find more (as I always do...) I rememeber my brother showing me a youtube video of her singing a song called "Just For Now" and I was FLOORED. This particular song hold a kind of funny memory... I was riding with my good friend George somewhere (I think my brother, his wife and I were on our way to a Swell Season concert... and yes I listed that in the right order... his wife was my date and my brother was his.. haha) and this song came on, so we were all singing along and it came to the part where she jumps and octive and he hit it RIGHT ON. We all kind of looked at each other and just started cracking up... one of the reasons I love George so much is because we get to sing together :)
The video I was talking about ("Just For Now")
I now am forced to disconnect... but don't worry. I'll be writing this weekend either in my paper journal, or my laptop and have more for you to read on Monday :)
~Outtie <3
**Wednesday**
If you can believe it... today is even crazier than yesterday. I literally have like 5 seconds to post. The phone has been ringing off the hook at work (which is weird since I normally get like 25 phone calls in an 8 hour period...) and I am swamped with all those lovely last minute things I never think of before I go/ do anything. Sometimes I wish I were more organized. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants (if you will) and I hate that I always feel like I'm going to forget something big... and I usually do.
I'm pretty sure I've got everything I need for VDC tomorrow, but who knows. I could have forgotten something important.. but I will tell you nothing beats the time I forgot my bra.... THAT was an interesting weekend.
Anywho. On to music!
Meghan's Music Musing
Song- "She's Mine"
Artist- Bret Dennen
Album- So Much More
This is a fun song. I remember hearing it for the first time and just TOTALLY falling in love with Bret Dennen. This is actually the first song I'd ever heard of his. He has this folk quality to his voice that sets him apart from a lot of other singers, but a pop quality that makes him fun to listen to. Not to mention he's got a little bit of a hippie side to him. Love me some hippies. This song in particular is one that a friend (love interest at the time...) introduced me to.. we had been talking about music (weird with me right?!) and we were exchanging "have you heard of" stories and he told me to listen to this song and I was hooked! I immediately downloaded everything I could find! My favorite part is the love-song quality of the song, without being a ballad. It's just fun and adorable :) She's mine. She's mine. She's mine. All mine.
~Outtie <3
I'm pretty sure I've got everything I need for VDC tomorrow, but who knows. I could have forgotten something important.. but I will tell you nothing beats the time I forgot my bra.... THAT was an interesting weekend.
Anywho. On to music!
Meghan's Music Musing
Song- "She's Mine"
Artist- Bret Dennen
Album- So Much More
This is a fun song. I remember hearing it for the first time and just TOTALLY falling in love with Bret Dennen. This is actually the first song I'd ever heard of his. He has this folk quality to his voice that sets him apart from a lot of other singers, but a pop quality that makes him fun to listen to. Not to mention he's got a little bit of a hippie side to him. Love me some hippies. This song in particular is one that a friend (love interest at the time...) introduced me to.. we had been talking about music (weird with me right?!) and we were exchanging "have you heard of" stories and he told me to listen to this song and I was hooked! I immediately downloaded everything I could find! My favorite part is the love-song quality of the song, without being a ballad. It's just fun and adorable :) She's mine. She's mine. She's mine. All mine.
~Outtie <3
**Tuesday**
Today's been a little bit hectic. I'm preparing to go on a weekend called Via De Cristo, or VDC like all of us call it :) It's a Christian Renewal weekend to strengthen your faith and exhaust you... which sounds weird, but it's super true. I feel like every time I work VDC I come home SUPER exhausted... but in a good way! I like to think I leave it all up on the mountain. I'm excited to spend some time with some of my favorite people in the world, but I'm also excited to get some time to myself to reflect. I've had a lot going on the last few months and I feel like I need to relax and reflect and take stock of my life. This weekend is the perfect time to do it.
Anyway. Sorry this has to be short, I'm running around like a crazy person....
Meghan's Music Musings
Song- "Summertime"
Artist- Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Album- I'm not sure what album this is from.. there are so many!
This is one of those songs that I love to put on not in the summer... which you would think would be the case... but in the winter when it's freezing (I get cold SUPER easy) because it makes me relax and think about sitting on a warm beach somewhere with a nice glass of iced tea and a smile. I remember shortly after I re-painted my bedroom at my parents house to look like a coffee shop (deep red, gold and creme stripes... it was AWESOME!) I threw on my iPod and this song came on.. it's just one of those relaxing ballads you have to love. This particular version has a little Louis Armstrong thrown in.. which always makes me want to watch Hello Dolly... haha. Anyway. Suummmertiiiiimeeee, and the livin is eeeeaaaaasssssyyyyy...
If only.
~Outtie <3
Anyway. Sorry this has to be short, I'm running around like a crazy person....
Meghan's Music Musings
Song- "Summertime"
Artist- Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Album- I'm not sure what album this is from.. there are so many!
This is one of those songs that I love to put on not in the summer... which you would think would be the case... but in the winter when it's freezing (I get cold SUPER easy) because it makes me relax and think about sitting on a warm beach somewhere with a nice glass of iced tea and a smile. I remember shortly after I re-painted my bedroom at my parents house to look like a coffee shop (deep red, gold and creme stripes... it was AWESOME!) I threw on my iPod and this song came on.. it's just one of those relaxing ballads you have to love. This particular version has a little Louis Armstrong thrown in.. which always makes me want to watch Hello Dolly... haha. Anyway. Suummmertiiiiimeeee, and the livin is eeeeaaaaasssssyyyyy...
If only.
~Outtie <3
Monday, November 1, 2010
**Monday, Monday...**
I'm a giant child. A big happy-go-lucky giggle at silly things kid. I love to play games, color, watch cartoons and play tag. I think a lot of that is why I get along with teens/ kids so well. NaBloPoMo's website suggested we write about a toy we still have in our possession from our childhood. I don't think I'm going to use the prompts every day, but seeing as how I'm a giant child and a borderline recovering pack rat I figured I MUST have something from my childhood still.
The problem is, I can't really think of anything. I think I actually finally got rid of things from my childhood. I have some stuff from my High School/ Junior High years, but not much.. I mostly have memories.. like my blankie. I used to sleep with my blankie every single night, and took it with me to a St. Patrick's Day party at the "Pine St. Brothel" in Orange, like you do. Well that night I got super drunk (likeyoudo.. I mean..) and lost it. I was VERY sad (and still am) about that. I'm pretty sure the only "toy" I still have from my childhood are books. I LOVE to read and always have, and my parents have saved all of my books, which I've recently passed on to my daughter. She loves reading too :) and we like to read together, so it's really fun to go back through all of the books I used to love and read them to her and hear her talk about the stories.. I couldn't be happier about that!
In other news.. I'm feeling out of sorts lately and I'm not sure if it's because of this stomach thing (I have gastritis brought on by stress and a slew of other issues), the stress, the weather or just an itch for something more in my life. All I know is it's really, really irritating. I feel like I spend all my time running to catch up.. catch up on bills, plans, cleaning, sleeping... just running all the time. Just once I'd like to be on top of things and prepared. Sometimes life can be more fun when you have no idea what's going on, and being spontaneous and random makes for some great memories, but it also creates a lot of stress. Lately I've been dealing with some pretty heavy things, and I'm ready to just relax, but that doesn't seem to be possible with the holiday season right around the corner. Part of all of this is that it's my own fault most of the time. I am the kind of person who is never ready to settle, and I tend to forget things after you tell me. I have all sorts of items and goodies to help me get organized and then don't use them as often as I should. It's my curse, I always want more and want to go, go, go! So it leaves little time for me to sit back and enjoy where I am when I'm always looking to the future and what's next.
Here's the fun part. The "what's next" part scares the crap out of me.
Meghan's Music Musings
I love music and it's a huge part of who I am and who I was. Songs are usually associated with people/ events/ memories for me so I've decided as a little extra fun for NaBloPoMo I'm going to add a section each day for me to blab about my favorite thing. Music. I'm going to put my iPod on random (in a playlist that excludes comedians, Christmas music, musicals and odd things I have on there...) and select a song to share/ discuss everyday. So here it goes.
Song- My Stupid Mouth
Artist- John Mayer
Album- On His Own Live in L.A
I love John Mayer, so it's appropriate that he was first :) When I was in college my best friend Jessica took me to my first JM concert. I was WAY more excited to hear the opening band, Maroon 5, whom I LOVED *still do* but I was game to give mister JM a chance. I'd heard a few of his songs (Your Body Is a Wonderland) and was tooootally confused as to how he was going to put on an entertaining concert when he was more close your eyes and sway to the music (to me at the time) Well he came out and changed my mind. I was floored. He was adorable, had a way with words and a VERY talented guitarist. I was instantly hooked and went home and got all of the albums he had out at the time! On to the song. My Stupid Mouth is one of those songs I totally identify with. I call it my "foot in mouth" syndrome, but I tend to say dumb things that get me in trouble. It's got a catchy tune and is just a fun song to sing a long to. Not to mention I used to called myself Captain Backfire (do I smell a Halloween costume?!) all the time. The coolest thing about this version of the song is that I was AT the concert where this was recorded :) It was a benefit concert and he was performing with nothing more than his guitar and a mic. No band, no gimmicks all John. My amazing friend Traci got us (the Fab 4, Jessica, Cynthia, me and Trax) tickets and we had a BLAST. I made T-shirts, we took a million pictures, sang at the top of our lungs and made some amazing memories.. This was during his "yes I still know that song" set, when he played some older "classic" John. It was fun because I was remembering all of the songs I loved and this was one of the first ones I'd heard after I fell in love with him. Good start to a great month of music reminiscing.
~Outtie <3
The problem is, I can't really think of anything. I think I actually finally got rid of things from my childhood. I have some stuff from my High School/ Junior High years, but not much.. I mostly have memories.. like my blankie. I used to sleep with my blankie every single night, and took it with me to a St. Patrick's Day party at the "Pine St. Brothel" in Orange, like you do. Well that night I got super drunk (likeyoudo.. I mean..) and lost it. I was VERY sad (and still am) about that. I'm pretty sure the only "toy" I still have from my childhood are books. I LOVE to read and always have, and my parents have saved all of my books, which I've recently passed on to my daughter. She loves reading too :) and we like to read together, so it's really fun to go back through all of the books I used to love and read them to her and hear her talk about the stories.. I couldn't be happier about that!
In other news.. I'm feeling out of sorts lately and I'm not sure if it's because of this stomach thing (I have gastritis brought on by stress and a slew of other issues), the stress, the weather or just an itch for something more in my life. All I know is it's really, really irritating. I feel like I spend all my time running to catch up.. catch up on bills, plans, cleaning, sleeping... just running all the time. Just once I'd like to be on top of things and prepared. Sometimes life can be more fun when you have no idea what's going on, and being spontaneous and random makes for some great memories, but it also creates a lot of stress. Lately I've been dealing with some pretty heavy things, and I'm ready to just relax, but that doesn't seem to be possible with the holiday season right around the corner. Part of all of this is that it's my own fault most of the time. I am the kind of person who is never ready to settle, and I tend to forget things after you tell me. I have all sorts of items and goodies to help me get organized and then don't use them as often as I should. It's my curse, I always want more and want to go, go, go! So it leaves little time for me to sit back and enjoy where I am when I'm always looking to the future and what's next.
Here's the fun part. The "what's next" part scares the crap out of me.
Meghan's Music Musings
I love music and it's a huge part of who I am and who I was. Songs are usually associated with people/ events/ memories for me so I've decided as a little extra fun for NaBloPoMo I'm going to add a section each day for me to blab about my favorite thing. Music. I'm going to put my iPod on random (in a playlist that excludes comedians, Christmas music, musicals and odd things I have on there...) and select a song to share/ discuss everyday. So here it goes.
Song- My Stupid Mouth
Artist- John Mayer
Album- On His Own Live in L.A
I love John Mayer, so it's appropriate that he was first :) When I was in college my best friend Jessica took me to my first JM concert. I was WAY more excited to hear the opening band, Maroon 5, whom I LOVED *still do* but I was game to give mister JM a chance. I'd heard a few of his songs (Your Body Is a Wonderland) and was tooootally confused as to how he was going to put on an entertaining concert when he was more close your eyes and sway to the music (to me at the time) Well he came out and changed my mind. I was floored. He was adorable, had a way with words and a VERY talented guitarist. I was instantly hooked and went home and got all of the albums he had out at the time! On to the song. My Stupid Mouth is one of those songs I totally identify with. I call it my "foot in mouth" syndrome, but I tend to say dumb things that get me in trouble. It's got a catchy tune and is just a fun song to sing a long to. Not to mention I used to called myself Captain Backfire (do I smell a Halloween costume?!) all the time. The coolest thing about this version of the song is that I was AT the concert where this was recorded :) It was a benefit concert and he was performing with nothing more than his guitar and a mic. No band, no gimmicks all John. My amazing friend Traci got us (the Fab 4, Jessica, Cynthia, me and Trax) tickets and we had a BLAST. I made T-shirts, we took a million pictures, sang at the top of our lungs and made some amazing memories.. This was during his "yes I still know that song" set, when he played some older "classic" John. It was fun because I was remembering all of the songs I loved and this was one of the first ones I'd heard after I fell in love with him. Good start to a great month of music reminiscing.
~Outtie <3
**NaBloPoMo**
So after reading all my blogs again and laughing my butt off at the silliness that was me from 2003-well, now, I've decided to hop on the NaBloPoMo train and just do it. It's kind of nice to have a kick in the butt to start writing again.
A ton has happened in my life since I last REALLY posted, and there's no real way to re-cap it. It's been a roller coaster and I'm mid ride right now so just stay with me for a moment... More posts to come. I'm gonna get post happy today...
X Posted to L-J and FB
~outtie <3
A ton has happened in my life since I last REALLY posted, and there's no real way to re-cap it. It's been a roller coaster and I'm mid ride right now so just stay with me for a moment... More posts to come. I'm gonna get post happy today...
X Posted to L-J and FB
~outtie <3
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
**moving**
There are times in my life when I’ve looked back over the decisions I’ve made, the people I’ve met and the places I’ve been and wondered… how the hell did I get here? This is one of those moments. I look back at my 25 years of life… see where I’ve been… and realize that 11 days ago.. I got married. If you had told 21 year old me that in 4 years I’d be married I would have laughed in your face. What? Me? Never! I would have turned, taken a sip of my SoCo on the rocks and checked with the KJ to see when my turn to sing was up. I was ready to party, ready to embrace every stereotypical 21 year old vice. Not sleeping, friends, paryting, bars, karaoke.. Thus was my life. I didn’t care about anyone but myself and I wasn’t ready to deal with the cards I’d been dealt. I took things for granted. I ran from my responsibilities and blamed them on my circumstances. I worked hard, played harder and had nothing to show for it. I neglected my daughter, family and close friends all for the sake of getting my last hurrahs in before life caught up with me. I don’t regret any part of my life because in the end it’s made me the strong woman I am today.. But I wish I’d taken time to appreciate what I had. I wish I’d saved more money, spent more time with my daughter, spent more time with my family.. But like I said, I don’t regret it. All because I have learned so much and wouldn’t be able to appreciate any of what I have if I hadn’t gone through what I went through. What I put my family through. What I put my daughter through. It’s hard to write that. I know she’s only 5, but I feel like there are things I missed out on that I will never get back. Memories that should have been made and weren’t because I was selfish and crazy. I’m not perfect and I don’t think I should be. I’ve still got a lot to learn and I was young when she was born. Despite everything I’ve grown up right along with her, and though I still have a long way to go, I’m so proud of the kid she’s becoming, which wouldn’t have been possible without my family there every step of the way. While I can never repay them for everything they’ve done, I want to thank them for what they’ve done for me.. And for her. Packing up her room, my room and the toy room has brought me to tears a few times. This is my home. Has been for 25 years. It’s her home.. And has been since the day she was born.. I know this next step is necessary in growing up and it will be good and exciting and hard and scary, but I can’t help but mourn a little for my childhood home. I’ve had so many memories here. Good times. Bad times. Breakups. First kisses. Deaths. Pets. Tears. Laughter. It’s all been in my little corner of La Habra. Though I know I can visit and that my memories will never fade, it’s a hard reality to face. In just over 2 days from now.
I wont live here anymore.
I wont live here anymore.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Fry-less Lent
So the last 3 or 4 years for lent I've given up fried foods. I will tell you now that french fries and chips are two of my favorite foods in the world, so this is no easy feat. I am happy to report that all those years I've been able to almost do it, with a few slip ups eating things I didn't realize were fried... However this year I've decided to do something a little more involved... my good friend George sums it up best here. Using this as a step stone for a healthier and happier Me. So for this year I've decided to give up not just fried foods (fries, chips, Chinese food... ect.) but junky food as well... chocolate, candy, and other high fat low nutritional snacks. On top of that I am going to exercise daily. I hope to not only feel better, but lose some weight and get more energy!
Now for the hardest one.. I'm going to limit my soda intake to one.. yes ONE.. a day. To some of you that may not seem like much, but for me that's huge. I am going to replace it with water or tea. When I was about 16 I drank even more soda than I do now.. one year for lent I gave up junk food which included dark sodas... It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and I had a horrible caffeine withdrawal headache for 40 days... Which is why I'm going to allow myself one soda.. but trust me, limiting myself to one is going to be super hard.. I'm hoping to come out of this less dependent on soda...
So here it goes. 40 days and 40 nights of watching what I eat, exercising and drinking more water.
~Outtie <3
Now for the hardest one.. I'm going to limit my soda intake to one.. yes ONE.. a day. To some of you that may not seem like much, but for me that's huge. I am going to replace it with water or tea. When I was about 16 I drank even more soda than I do now.. one year for lent I gave up junk food which included dark sodas... It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and I had a horrible caffeine withdrawal headache for 40 days... Which is why I'm going to allow myself one soda.. but trust me, limiting myself to one is going to be super hard.. I'm hoping to come out of this less dependent on soda...
So here it goes. 40 days and 40 nights of watching what I eat, exercising and drinking more water.
~Outtie <3
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
asking for help
I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to the Calworks office and laying myself out there and hoping that I don't get screwed out of anything else. I feel better today.. but still not anywhere near my "normal" self. I think doing something like this will give me a little more hope, but as sad as it is I'm not expecting anything. Anything at all.
I really hope I have enough gas to get there. haha.
<3 outtie
I really hope I have enough gas to get there. haha.
<3 outtie
