Editing.. found this little nugget...

"Another almost year later, 8 months or so, and here I lay just as confused as the first time I wrote in any of the five (million) journals I have. I can't help but laugh at myself and smile at how real I can be in the face of stress or anger. I also laugh at my penmanship and how I'm probably the only one who can read most of it. I've thought about how sometimes I wish I'd written more in these journals over the years but I realize that these journals represent me for the last eight years from the naive 15 year old I was to the naive, yet weathered (almost) 24 year old that I am. Looking back gives me so much perspective and so much insight into myself that it helps me grow, see mistakes and remember good times with a smile. I recently said (on my blog) that at times it is so hard to be me, but it's times I take the time to really reflect that I finally see just how far I've come and just how far I have left to go"

So I guess this started as a draft that I never finished.. sometimes I can be so profound... LAFF!

I feel like I've grown even in the last few months. "job" (as it will now forever be refereed to for reasons that I'll tell you later.. if you REALLY want to know) is going well.. I'm really having a good time and we've got an amazing group of girls who seem to all get along pretty well.. for the most part.. well.. as well as a bunch of girls in a small space CAN get along :) haha. I'm enjoying my boyfriend time.. which was rocky for like three days but we've talked and grown and are moving on with our lives. I'm kind of getting things together in my financial life.. I've at least admitted I have a problem.. that's the first step right? Yeah.. that's still a tough one. I've also managed to keep myself pretty on top of things with my health which I've been slacking on and as of Friday 1/16/09 I've stopped eating meat... again... (we'll see how long it lasts this time :) I'm hoping for at least a year... I don't know why but it's just something I've been contemplating for a long time..) I still eat fish.. but I don't eat fish THAT often anyway. So far I've enjoyed Tofu dishes I've made and lots of peanut butter... haha.

So in "short" I guess I'm doing okay. I'm suddenly reminded of one of my most favorite lyrics... "Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard"

Thank you Coldplay.

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Sick

Being sick SUCKS.. I've been sick since Friday. It started with a sinus infection, moved to my throat, moved to my chest and last night.. my stomach.

I hate this. I can't function and I don't want to DO anything. I don't feel right and I don't know how to FEEL right.

Off to make some noodles for lunch.

I'm trying this vegetarian thing again. So far. So good.

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Cabin Fever

So I'm going a little nuts. Since I got home from work yesterday I haven't left my house... well. I've ventured as far as the back cement, but I haven't ventured further than that. I'm going crazy here. I need to get out and do something. Problem? I have no money, no gas and no babysitter.

Any ideas?

I'm seriously going to scream if I don't get out of here. The most exciting thing I've done all day is getting into my bathing suit (like I did when I was 7) and giving Sadie a bath... oh. and I made my dad a spreadsheet.

AUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Save me?

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MILK

So I went and saw Milk last night with a free movie ticket my grandparents gave me for Christmas... I went with Jessica and Andrew and we went to Brea to see it... La Habra seems to play all their movies at 8 or 1030 so we opted for the 940 showing at Brea 12.

I wasn't too sure what the movie was about at first.. I'd only seen one preview for it a long time ago (I don't see "adult" movie previews too often considering most of the movies I see are animated) but I knew I wanted to see it and that it was about a guy named Harvey Milk who ran for office in San Fran as an openly gay man..

synopsis according to IMDB.com-
Using flashbacks from a statement recorded late in life and archival footage for atmosphere, this film traces Harvey Milk's career from his 40th birthday to his death. He leaves the closet and New York, opens a camera shop that becomes the salon for San Francisco's growing gay community, and organizes gays' purchasing power to build political alliances. He runs for office with lover Scott Smith as his campaign manager. Victory finally comes on the same day Dan White wins in the city's conservative district. The rest of the film sketches Milk's relationship with White and the 1978 fight against a statewide initiative to bar gays and their supporters from public school jobs.

The movie started and I was immediately transfixed.. It started with news footage from the 70's and was filmed with an indie- low budge kind of feel and I dig that. It made me laugh. It made me tear up and even made me shed a few tears.. But most of all it made me think. Any movie that can make me think and feel and want to discuss like that after I see it is a winner in my book.

I think the hardest part about watching that movie was the immediate sick feeling I got when I thought of the whole Prop 8 debates from this last election. SO much of it mirrored the Prop 6 debates that were going on in the late 70's. I was amazed at how much.. down to bumper stickers that said "yes on 6, protect our children" I couldn't get over how ignorant and bigoted Anita Bryant and John Briggs sounded.. I'll admit openly that I had no idea who Harvey Milk was or that any of this had happened before but I will tell you that I feel more educated and more empowered after seeing this movie.

I find it scary and sad that we still live in a world that would oppress people the way we do. It's a long struggle but one I feel we'll eventually overcome.

Okay. enough with the heavy subject.. I seriously recommend this movie. SERIOUSLY. :)
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Life

Life is hard. They always tell you that but nobody seems to be able to really explain how bad it can get.

Money is the root of all of my evil.

I know that money can't buy happiness but if I wasn't in so much debt to everyone and my mother it wouldn't be so hard to stay positive.

Last night was really hard for me. I almost went to a very dark place I haven't been in a really long time. More on that later.

gotta go take my "four year old" (her words not mine) to pre-school and get an x-ray.

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Hailey's Gingerbread House Tradition..

In case you missed it last year... when she was a year old she tried to eat her gingerbread house.... by biting it. Thus started a tradition that makes me giggle!



2005



2006



2007



2008

She's getting so big :)

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